The Discipline of Presence

In this age of high technology, high expectations, and busy schedules, I am catching myself giving less and less of something very valuable to the people in my life–my own presence! I am referring not to merely physical proximity, but actually being present  wherever I happen to be. This intentional attention is valuable because I believe it is the very thing that will allow me to know my Lord well and grow in my relationship with Him,  will keep my marriage strong, that I believe my children will look back on with the fondest memories, and that let friends know they are truly valued.  Yet as valuable as one’s own presence can be, life’s “stuff” can steal it away in an instant.

For me growing up, I remember it through my mom’s pouring me juice and sitting with me while I drank it, just talking. Through her plugging in the little space heater and helping us take off the layers of socks to warm our toes after playing in the snow. Through my dad’s taking me to breakfast at Hardee’s on Saturday morning after a basketball game. Now, I KNOW my parents did countless other things that probably took a lot more time and effort–from beautiful birthday cakes to extra-special Christmas presents to vacations. But when I think back on my childhood, the things that really stand out are those times when we had real, face to face, conversation. When I was their priority. I see it now when my wonderful husband makes a point to take me to a restaurant, sit across the table, and give me time, focus, and love. When  one of my children is delighted to ride home with just one of us from somewhere close so they get undivided attention.

I’ve been taking note of some “presence-stealers” in my life, and as I see them creeping in, I’m trying to replace them with another habit that encourages my undivided attention on a certain person. So, here’s how I’m practicing the discipline of presence:

• Slowing down, making eye contact with, and smiling at my family members in everyday passings (rather than zooming past, onto the next “thing”)
• Asking questions about big ideas at mealtime (my husband is great at this, so for me this is more the discipline of not sabotaging the discussion when something spills or someone wants seconds).
• Finding a quiet place to text a friend (rather than multi-tasking)
• Making a to-do list before turning on the computer (rather than scanning facebook for 15 minutes then thinking, “What was I needing to do?”
• Reading to my littlest one before bed (rather than rushing tuck-in time)
• Stopping what I’m doing and going to my husband to greet him when he comes home (rather than yelling “hey!” from the next room)
• Writing in a journal after my Bible-reading time about how God spoke to me (rather than running on to the rest of the day and not really pausing to apply God’s Word to my life).

I don’t want to get to the end of my to-do list dry and empty, I’d much rather give the gift of my presence!

A Shout-Out for “Big Truths for Young Hearts” by Bruce A. Ware

This spring my husband and I were trying to find a way to challenge our 9 and 7 year old children to give more thought to who God is and why they ought to love Him and live for His glory. We realized that between their two to three lessons per week in our church’s Children’s Department, Sunday morning services, their personal devotion times, and school Bible lessons, they were developing a good understanding of Bible stories and the order things happened in Biblical times. However, there seemed to be a disconnect between knowing stories and applying God’s Word to everyday life. We started praying and searching for some sort of theology book for children that would help them understand and hopefully love God more…and what He led us to has been just great so far!

“Big Truths for Young Hearts: Teaching and Learning the Greatness of God” is a series of 3-4 page conversational lessons that are truth-filled, thorough, and great for developing a high and accurate understanding of who God is.  Some lesson names are: “God Talks–the Bible is God’s True and Lasting Word”, “Who Made the World? God (the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) Did, “How Jesus Emptied Himself in Becoming Also a Man”, and  ”Saved by Good Works? No–Saved for Good Works? Yes.  There are 60 lessons in all, and a lot to chew on in each one.

I will say that this book is actually teaching me right along with them, and sometimes I have to simplify the wording or break a lesson into two days…but I believe that “Big Truths for Young Hearts” is a very valuable and helpful book!

Soldiers of Christ

After letting the truth I got to hear at the 2011 Gospel Coalition Conference sink in for a few days, I am more convinced than ever that Jesus Christ’s church is absolutely imperfect, yet absolutely necessary to bring the hope of salvation through Him to the world! How precious was the sound of thousands of His soldiers sing,

“Our call to war, to love the captive soul, but to rage against the captor;

And with the sword that makes the wounded whole we will fight with faith and valor.

When faced with trials on ev’ry side, we know the outcome is secure,

and Christ will have the prize for which He died–an inheritance of nations. (Keith and Kristen Getty)

The main topic of the conference was that foreshadowings and prophecies of Jesus are woven all through the Old Testament, and simply preaching behavior-altering sermons is not really preaching the Gospel!

The Gospel is that Jesus came to save sinners who CANNOT save themselves…His paying our debt, in our place…Him being our perfect Mediator between ourselves and holy God…the Father sending His Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved!

Realizing that even the story of Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt into the Promised Land is an opportunity to see a foreshadowing of Jesus leading me out of my slavery of sin into a heavenly inheritance…well, it gives me a clearer understanding of why all these stories are in Scripture in the first place! And motivation to dig deeper and still deeper into His Word, to praise Him, to line my life up with His plan, to maximize the impact my one life can have on eternity.

Especially for Minister’s Wives

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I were privileged to spend some time with couples who believe God may be calling them into full time service of some kind. Here is a list of books/blogs that I shared with the wives that have impacted and encouraged me as a pastor’s wife, and a little info about each one:

• “The Disciplines of a Godly Woman” by Barbara Hughes

Definitely recommended for any Christian woman, this book is a biblical overview of what a Christian woman’s life should look like. Very well written and includes great thought-provoking or discussion questions at the end of each chapter. This works beautifully as a small group study (staff wives, etc.)

• Feminine Appeal” by Carolyn Mahaney

Pretty much Titus Chapter Two explained and exemplified by this amazing woman! Love that she is continuing to reach out to women alongside her three grown daughters who are also married to ministers through a super blog: www.girltalkhome.com

• “Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed” also by Carolyn Mahaney and her daughters

Greatly helped me just after the birth of Baby #3! Helps to organize priorities and see the value in planning.

• “Choices” by Mary Farrar

Frankly, just reading this book made me feel smarter. Mrs. Farrar took only 244 pages to give the history of feminism, the great struggle that this movement has added to in the church, and how following God’s awesome plan for family is so extremely valuable to…all mankind. And the strange thing about it is, it isn’t boring!! Very easy-to-read and attention grabbing.

• “One With a Shepherd: The Tears and Triumphs of a Ministry Marriage” by Mary Somerville  

This is a book I have scanned through but not completed, but one of the few I found specifically written to minister’s wives. It covers a lot of topics and answers the “why we do what we do” questions straight with Scripture.

Great books and blogs have allowed me to be “mentored” by some amazing older women I’ve never even personally met! I so appreciate the time they have taken to think through and put on paper what God has shown them in their lives. I’m sure there are many, many more great resources out there. Please leave a comment with any suggestions!

Planning Ahead vs. Regretting What’s Behind

Thanks to this:


My sweet nine-year-old daughter came up with this:

 

(Monday-clean kids bathroom; Tuesday-clean my room; Wednesday-clean guest bathroom; Thursday-dust living room; Friday-clean schoolroom and laundry; Saturday-clean backyard and do flowerpot; Sunday-rest)

Needless to say, I was pretty pumped! If she’s going to be doing all this work, how that will ever lighten my load! So last night, about twenty minutes before bedtime, I am smiling as she tells me she’s going to go clean the kids’ bathroom because it’s “on her list”. Then, I walked into her room to find…quite a mess! When I ask her why there is laundry on the floor, toys scattered, etc., she tells me, “Oh, that work is for Tuesday!” WHAT??

It was then that we had a quick lesson on…priorities!

I’ve been at this homemaking thing for what’s getting close to eleven years now, and rest assured, I’ve had my share of plans and lists! I’ll be trucking right along feeling very organized for a few days, maybe even a week, until…one of my children gets sick… it’s revival week at church…it’s time to trade out fall clothes for spring clothes…we’re out of groceries BEFORE my designated “errand day”….you get the idea. Then everything gets out of sync and I’m scrambling to “catch up” with my plan and feeling very defeated.

Now, I know for some people, a very precise plan works beautifully (probably those whose children have left the nest, if I had to guess ). But for me, I am learning that priorities and planning ahead work much better.

For example, my  husband likes for the main living area of our home to stay pretty much picked up. Then, if something unexpected happens, we’re not embarrassed for someone to see our home or dreading going somewhere and coming back to a mess. However, there are other places  in the home he I don’t think he would notice if I never cleaned! So, I have learned, that those days when I’m in a pinch for time, instead of dusting my bedroom so I can check it off my plan, it would bless my husband more to straighten the living room and light a candle. So, I try to do that!  In the same way, I can’t wait until next week to do laundry if my son’s baseball game is tomorrow and he needs a clean uniform. So, I try to prioritize laundry based on what’s coming up. Finally, if a certain room is discouraging me every time I walk in it because it has become the clutter catch-all, and I have some free time, I’ll try to reorganize it rather than mopping a not-very-dirty floor.

For Carly, she learned that keeping her room picked up is her first “homemaking” responsibility each day, even before doing something else that would really help her Mom! And for this Mom, it thrills me to see her learning these skills at nine… rather than feeling the truckload of responsibility I felt fall into my lap when I married at twenty-two!

Building a Framework for Your Daughter

Justin Beiber. Miley Cyrus. Selena Gomez. iCarly. These are just a few of the names our 6-12 year old girls are undoubtedly hearing a lot about lately. A friend recently asked me, “So what are you doing about Justin Beiber?”  The conversation that ensued between us, along with discussing the love story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 with my husband as he prepares to preach from there, has gotten me thinking: Do Christian parents look for “alternative, Christian” tween idols?  Do we forbid them from watching certain shows, hanging posters, playing with toys involving these characters? How can we help our daughters understand their own worth, beyond outward appearance or being interested in the latest popular thing?

There are a few things our family is purposing to do as we raise our daughters that we pray will guard them against false and harmful ideas that the media world is trying to throw at them–without completely forbidding them from all media. I will try to communicate them in a memorable way:

1. Let your daughter have FAME in your family.

Let her be “known” for positive qualities in your family other than beauty. This is where extracurricular activities can be especially valuable–if our daughters can think of themselves as good or great at something, they will be less likely to think they have to fit into a certain mold. In our family, our older daughter is known to be great at decorating/organizing. She undoubtedly has the tidiest room in the house on a given day, and she is who I call on when I need help organizing a cabinet or pantry!  This little thing seems to give her confidence, that she is important in our family and we need her contributions.  She is also very gifted in dance, so we encourage her and support her in her ballet classes and as she practices at home.

3. Show the FATE of the fallen.

As you are enjoying the 1990′s version of “The Parent Trap”, then turn on the news and see Lindsey Lohan in a courtroom, don’t hide this from your daughter. Explain with sadness how kids who get a lot of attention and money while they are young usually end up in a LOT of trouble. Mention how the popular star from just a few years ago is hardly heard of today (Hilary Duff, anyone??).

3. Develop a FRAMEWORK for your daughter’s faith.

Hold up true heroes! Does your daughter know who Amy Carmicheal is? Joanne Shetler? Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther of the Old Testament? Has she studied Mary, the mother of Jesus? Is she around godly young mothers in your church? As the saying goes, you can’t quit a habit, you have to replace it with something else…and so it is with your daughters. Find books/movies/TV shows where siblings treat each other with care and respect, where girls are really interested in discovering something amazing or mysterious rather than getting a boy’s attention, where children obey their parents…where women accomplish great things for God!

And when it comes to romance…

• Have the marriage your daughter dreams about. Let her see how wonderful MARRIED romance truly can be! In our house, the girls talk about “marrying their prince”…not, “dating their boyfriend”.
• Tell your daugher of your plans for being involved in finding her mate. Let her know that she is precious enough to you that you will see to it that her new protector and provider is prepared before you give her away!

And as our daughters let these truths sink into their hearts, I have a good idea that having a major crush on Justin Beiber will seem–well– pretty silly.

Notes from a Wonderful Day

Yesterday I had the opportunity to travel with my husband to Gardendale First Baptist Church to the Alabama State Pastor’s Conference…and had a great time of encouragement, challenge, and worship that just doesn’t seem complete unless some of what God taught me is shared!  So here are some random highlights of the day’s teaching and preaching:

 

“Walking people through hard things may be the most missional thing we can do.” –Pastor Ed Litton

 

(As a pastor), 80 % of your time should be spent “leading and feeding.” — Pastor Buddy Gray

Sometimes, notes of thanks should be written to those who criticize or rebuke us, because “faithful are the wounds of a friend”. –Pastor Zach Terry & Proverbs

When the fight of faith gets tough, “We rely on Him…we don’t quit on Him!” –Pastor Lawrence Phipps

When the Bible refers to spiritual “milk” and “solid food”, it is ALL referring to God’s Word. But, the “milk” is what someone else feeds you, and the “solid food” is what you feed yourself. This is why more mature Christians CANNOT grow on merely hearing what God has taught others…they MUST eat from God’s spiritual table on their own! (from Lawrence Phipps sermon)

“Pride ALWAYS goes before destruction…ALWAYS”. –Zach Terry from Prov. 16:18

When God gets ready to do a great work, He doesn’t look for the smartest, or the biggest, or the prettiest, or the sharpest…He just grabs the one closest to Him! –Zach Terry

Many people in America are addicted to a drug that is produced IN the body…adrenaline! And as this addiction is fed, there is no time to “be still and know that I am God”.  – Ed Litton

To believe in Jesus is “to continually embrace the person of Jesus Christ as the Savior, Lord, and Treasure of our lives.” –Buddy Gray

God can do much more with someone who comes to Him in their weakness and offers themselves to Him than someone who tries to impress God with their strengths and hide their weakness. –Junior Hill

 

The “Boring” Stuff of Life

I love the part of the movie “Up” where the little boy and Mr. Frederickson are talking about how the boy and his dad would come and get ice cream after cubscouts, and as they were eating they would count the cars that would come by. Then he says something like, “I think it’s the boring stuff that I remember the most”. (been a while since I saw this movie .

As the routine season of life settles back in, I’m reminded that everyday breakfasts around the table telling knock-knock jokes, laying on the trampoline after supper finding pictures in the clouds, simply listening to each other and appreciating each other’s company, is creating stronger relationships and memories more precious than any toy that could be bought or trip that could be taken.

“Be Careful Never to Forget”

I’ve been reading Deuteronomy from the New Living Translation of the Bible to get familiar with the context of some verses the kids and I are memorizing. This morning I was struck by the repetition of one idea summed up in this passage: “Be careful never to forget what you yourself have seen” (Deut. 4:9). Moses reminds the Israelites over and over of different ways God delivered them, protected them, fought for them, and constantly says,  ”Be very careful!” Don’t forget to tell your children all about God’s work in your life.  Don’t start worshipping some created thing in place of the One who delivered you and who is giving you your own land–if you aren’t very careful, that’s just what you will do! Remember the commands that God Himself wrote on stone, for you, for your good.

Listen to this call to remember, and try to imagine ever forgetting something as awe-inspiring as this:

“Now search all of history, from the time God created people on the earth until now, and search from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything as great as this ever been seen or heard before? Has any nation ever heard the voice of God speaking from fire–as you did–and survived? Has any other god dared to take a nation for himself out of another nation by means of trials, miraculous signs, wonders, war, a strong hand, a powerful arm, and terrifying acts? Yet that is what the LORD your God did for you in Egypt, right before your eyes…” (Deut. 4:32-34)

and to think these people had to be reminded to remember!

I am so thankful for a few moments this morning to recall God’s work in my life to draw me to Himself– through trials, miraculous signs, and His powerful arm. I must be careful never to forget.

Notes From Ladies Event

If you would like to view the notes from the teaching I delivered at one of the recent ladies events entitled, “The Art of Womanhood” click here.

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