Building a Framework for Your Daughter

Justin Beiber. Miley Cyrus. Selena Gomez. iCarly. These are just a few of the names our 6-12 year old girls are undoubtedly hearing a lot about lately. A friend recently asked me, “So what are you doing about Justin Beiber?”  The conversation that ensued between us, along with discussing the love story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 with my husband as he prepares to preach from there, has gotten me thinking: Do Christian parents look for “alternative, Christian” tween idols?  Do we forbid them from watching certain shows, hanging posters, playing with toys involving these characters? How can we help our daughters understand their own worth, beyond outward appearance or being interested in the latest popular thing?

There are a few things our family is purposing to do as we raise our daughters that we pray will guard them against false and harmful ideas that the media world is trying to throw at them–without completely forbidding them from all media. I will try to communicate them in a memorable way:

1. Let your daughter have FAME in your family.

Let her be “known” for positive qualities in your family other than beauty. This is where extracurricular activities can be especially valuable–if our daughters can think of themselves as good or great at something, they will be less likely to think they have to fit into a certain mold. In our family, our older daughter is known to be great at decorating/organizing. She undoubtedly has the tidiest room in the house on a given day, and she is who I call on when I need help organizing a cabinet or pantry!  This little thing seems to give her confidence, that she is important in our family and we need her contributions.  She is also very gifted in dance, so we encourage her and support her in her ballet classes and as she practices at home.

3. Show the FATE of the fallen.

As you are enjoying the 1990′s version of “The Parent Trap”, then turn on the news and see Lindsey Lohan in a courtroom, don’t hide this from your daughter. Explain with sadness how kids who get a lot of attention and money while they are young usually end up in a LOT of trouble. Mention how the popular star from just a few years ago is hardly heard of today (Hilary Duff, anyone??).

3. Develop a FRAMEWORK for your daughter’s faith.

Hold up true heroes! Does your daughter know who Amy Carmicheal is? Joanne Shetler? Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther of the Old Testament? Has she studied Mary, the mother of Jesus? Is she around godly young mothers in your church? As the saying goes, you can’t quit a habit, you have to replace it with something else…and so it is with your daughters. Find books/movies/TV shows where siblings treat each other with care and respect, where girls are really interested in discovering something amazing or mysterious rather than getting a boy’s attention, where children obey their parents…where women accomplish great things for God!

And when it comes to romance…

• Have the marriage your daughter dreams about. Let her see how wonderful MARRIED romance truly can be! In our house, the girls talk about “marrying their prince”…not, “dating their boyfriend”.
• Tell your daugher of your plans for being involved in finding her mate. Let her know that she is precious enough to you that you will see to it that her new protector and provider is prepared before you give her away!

And as our daughters let these truths sink into their hearts, I have a good idea that having a major crush on Justin Beiber will seem–well– pretty silly.

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