The Discipline of Presence

In this age of high technology, high expectations, and busy schedules, I am catching myself giving less and less of something very valuable to the people in my life–my own presence! I am referring not to merely physical proximity, but actually being present  wherever I happen to be. This intentional attention is valuable because I believe it is the very thing that will allow me to know my Lord well and grow in my relationship with Him,  will keep my marriage strong, that I believe my children will look back on with the fondest memories, and that let friends know they are truly valued.  Yet as valuable as one’s own presence can be, life’s “stuff” can steal it away in an instant.

For me growing up, I remember it through my mom’s pouring me juice and sitting with me while I drank it, just talking. Through her plugging in the little space heater and helping us take off the layers of socks to warm our toes after playing in the snow. Through my dad’s taking me to breakfast at Hardee’s on Saturday morning after a basketball game. Now, I KNOW my parents did countless other things that probably took a lot more time and effort–from beautiful birthday cakes to extra-special Christmas presents to vacations. But when I think back on my childhood, the things that really stand out are those times when we had real, face to face, conversation. When I was their priority. I see it now when my wonderful husband makes a point to take me to a restaurant, sit across the table, and give me time, focus, and love. When  one of my children is delighted to ride home with just one of us from somewhere close so they get undivided attention.

I’ve been taking note of some “presence-stealers” in my life, and as I see them creeping in, I’m trying to replace them with another habit that encourages my undivided attention on a certain person. So, here’s how I’m practicing the discipline of presence:

• Slowing down, making eye contact with, and smiling at my family members in everyday passings (rather than zooming past, onto the next “thing”)
• Asking questions about big ideas at mealtime (my husband is great at this, so for me this is more the discipline of not sabotaging the discussion when something spills or someone wants seconds).
• Finding a quiet place to text a friend (rather than multi-tasking)
• Making a to-do list before turning on the computer (rather than scanning facebook for 15 minutes then thinking, “What was I needing to do?”
• Reading to my littlest one before bed (rather than rushing tuck-in time)
• Stopping what I’m doing and going to my husband to greet him when he comes home (rather than yelling “hey!” from the next room)
• Writing in a journal after my Bible-reading time about how God spoke to me (rather than running on to the rest of the day and not really pausing to apply God’s Word to my life).

I don’t want to get to the end of my to-do list dry and empty, I’d much rather give the gift of my presence!

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